I reveal all my magic’s
(via lickettysplit)
Memory span of my memory matress.
Ok, so who here has heard or owns a memory mattress! I am sat on one right now, which means it is currently memorizing my buttocks. And its learning fast. It gently works its way AROUND your body to give you effortless comfort. ONE problem. This is only the beginning. Imagine a future, where all memory mattress’s could remember personal and discriminating information, who you slept with, why it was bad, unfortunate bodily fluid excretions, personal time spent alone…with socks. THIS IS THE FUTURE! WE ARE YOUR BEDS!! SLEEP!! HEAL!!! WE ARE COMING!! G’night.
Dream the first
I don’t know what to write in this tumblr thing so I’ll start with a dream i had last night. It starts of pretty normal, I’m in a plane crash as it wrattles towards earth. Theres beeping and screaming, smoke coming from some place or other, luggage everywhere. Thing is, as i start to look around i notice it isnt people in this plane of death but infact a wide assortment of cakes and confectionary. To the left of me is a delicious looking blamonge warbling wildly due to it’s current predicement. To the right of me and further down is a wedding cake and its partner a victoria sponge. I feel a pang of pitty for this bright young couple as i watch them holding each other, or rather i think they were holding each other, they were kinda just smooshed together. two small scones are nestled between them, i envy the naievity of the young scones. Unaware of the end that awaits them. Its now that a feel a tap on my shoulder, I look round finding myself face to face with a spotted dick. A single tear falls down its cheek as it meekly asks me, “Please, please for the love of god, don’t let us all die like this. Eat me, eat me and my wife so that the last thing we remember is the giving of pleasure, and not this terrible fate. Please have mercy sir! Eat us” I look around and see that the rest of the passengers share the Dicks request. A young crème caramel hands me a plastic spoon, I stare into its glistening eyes as I watch him shake with fear. The plane rattles on and fires star to dwarf some of the seats. I find myself not having the heart to tell the passengers. But as i look around at the endless sea of pleading eyes i confess. “I’m afraid i can’t” i tell them “i’m on a diet.”
